Use your illusion
by thebtvs4eva
Summary: Just a few short stories that are inspired by a few Guns N Roses songs(: I'm sorry that I'm so terrible at summaries.
1. Don't Cry

_Talk to me softly_

_There's something in your eyes_

_Don't hang your head in sorrow_

_And please I know how you feel inside I've_

_I've been there before_

_Somethin's changin' inside you_

_And don't you know_

_don't cry_

"Myka, don't do this." Helena pleaded. "Don't make me feel bad for wanting to have a normal life." "I'm not trying to make you feel bad, you feel bad because you know that I'm right." Myka said as she wiped a tear from her cheek. "There was something between us, something that I can't even really describe but it was there. "It has nothing to do with you, I already said that things go terribly wrong whenever the warehouse and I mix." Helena said. "Please, you need to understand. "So don't come back to the Warehouse," Myka stepped forward towards the smaller woman. "Just come back to me. You don't have to be an agent." "Myka," Helena took hold of the others woman's hands. " you know that's not possible, you belong with the warehouse, if I go with you no matter what I'm still going to get mixed up with everything again." "Helena are you truly happy here? With him? Does he make you feel," Myka rested her hand on the victorians cheek. "like I make you feel? Don't you remember how much fun we had together? You know when you weren't trying to end the world or-.." "I can't compare what you and I had to what Nate and I have." Helena whispered. Myka was so close to her she could practically hear the other woman's heart beating.

_Don't you cry tonight_

_I still love you baby_

_Don't you cry tonight_

_Don't you cry tonight_

_There's a heaven above you baby_

_And don't you cry tonight _"Had? Helena I still love you. I love you because of who you are, who you REALLY are. Even though he knows everything now, he still won't understand, _I _know you, _I _know about Christina, _I _know about Warehouse 12. You said it yourself, I am the one person who knows you better than anyone else.""Myka I'm trying to protect you from getting hurt." She stepped away from Myka and turned away from her, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're far too good for me.""And Nate isn't?" Myka's voice came out a bit harsher than she intended."I already told you Nate is different!"Helena yelled as she turned to face the taller woman."Yes I know and that's why you're with him! Because he is as far away from the Warehouse and me as possible!" Myka could feel her pulse rising, she couldn't remember the last time she was this angry." I am content with the way things are right now. I get to experience what it's like to feel like I fit in." It was Helena this time who stepped forward. " I get to slow things down a little bit." Myka turned her face away from the shorter woman. Helena gently wiped away a tear that had made its way down Myka's cheek, with her index finger."I just want to know one thing ." Helena had never noticed how beautiful Myka's eyes were, the way the moonlight reflected off of her green orbs due to the tears that had welded in them was breathtaking."Anything." Helena said. There was a long pause until Myka spoke again.

_Give me a whisper_

_And give me a sigh_

_Give me a kiss before you_

_tell me goodbye_

_Don't you take it so hard now_

_And please don't take it so bad_

_I'll still be thinkin' of you_

_And the times we had...baby_

"Do you love me?" Myka asked tentively.

"Yes." Helena sighed. Myka's face was a mere inches away from hers now. Myka gently brushed a strand of Helena's black hair away from her face. Helena's breath caught in her throat as she felt Myka's warm lips on her own. She entangled her hand in Myak's dark curls. Everything that had happened between them was poured out during that kiss, the passion, the love, the pain, the anger, it was all there. They slowly separated and Myka put her forehead against Helena's. They stayed that way for a long while, trying to take in everything that had just happened "Do you love him?" Myka broke the silence. Helena looked down at the floor. "Yes." She said but her voice was weak. "Do you choose him?" Myka didn't take her eyes off the older the woman.

"I.." Helena looked back at Myka , she didn't have to finish that sentence, the pause was enough for the younger woman to know what the answer was. "Fine." Myka removed Helena's hands from her body. She turned to walk away but before she did she slowly moved her head so that Helena could only see the side of her face. "You know if I was in love with somebody, I would hope that I would feel something more than just content when I was with them."

Helena put her hand over her mouth trying to quiet her sobs. She never knew that it was hurt so terribly to watch the one she truly loved walk away from her. She never hated herself more than this moment but she knew that in the end she was doing the right thing. Oh dear God she hoped that she was doing the right thing.

_And don't you cry tonight_

_Don't you cry tonight_

_Don't you cry tonight_

_There's a heaven above you baby._

_And don't you cry tonight.._


	2. November Rain

_When I look into your eyes_

_I can see a love restrained_

_But darlin' when I hold you_

_Don't you know I feel the same_

_'Cause nothin' lasts forever_

_And we both know hearts can change_

_And it's hard to hold a candle_

_In the cold November rain_

Myka and Helena sat in silence as the rain beated on the windows of their bedroom at the B&B. The last 2 days had been pretty rough on the agents. They went on a mission to retrieve an artifact in Paris; they ended up snagging it within a few hours. They decided to take a couple of days off and just stay there for a while, a romantic getaway. But things definitely didn't go as planned.

"Myka," Helena broke the silence. "We can't keep doing this. We need to talk about it." She stood from the bed and walked over to the chair by the window, where her girlfriend was sitting, just staring off into space. "It doesn't mean anything."

"I asked you to marry me," Myka, finally looked at the older woman, her eyes filled with hurt and anger. "And you said no. It's pretty evident how you feel about this relationship."

_We've been through this such a long long time_

_Just tryin' to kill the pain_

_But lovers always come and lovers always go_

_An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today_

_Walking away_

"Myka," Helena pleaded. "you need to understand, this had nothing to do with you." She tried to put her hand on the other woman's thigh but Myka just jerked away and stood up.

"But doesn't it?!" Myka yelled as she walked to the other side of the room, away from her girlfriend. "It has everything to do with me! You are doubting our relationship, if you weren't than you would have said yes."

"I just-" Helena ran her hand through her hair trying to search for the right words. "I've never been one for marriage. I don't feel the need for it."

"But I do!" Myka threw her hands up in the air. "It's a sign of commitment and love; it shows that you are truly willing to be serious with this person for the rest of your life. And that is what I want with you. Marrying you shows that you're different to me than any of my previous relationships, even Sam."

_If we could take the time_

_to lay it on the line_

_I could rest my head_

_Just knowin' that you were mine_

_All mine_

_So if you want to love me_

_then darlin' don't refrain_

_Or I'll just end up walkin'_

_In the cold November rain_

"Myka you have to look at it from my point of view." Helena crossed the room towards her lover. "I grew up in a different time, when it was very unacceptable for a woman of my age and stature to not be married. I hated that I was seen as deprived in some way just because I didn't have a man to take care of me, as if I was some child who needed looking after. I feel like by getting married I would be giving into them.'

"But Helena like you said it was a different time. By marrying me you're not giving into to anything except your love and devotion for me." Myka's voice cracked a bit towards the end.

"I do love you." Helena stepped a little closer toward the taller woman so that she was only a few inches in front of her. "and I am devoted to you. I don't need some paper signed by a judge to prove that."

"But-" Myka trailed off trying to fight the new tears that had welded in her eyes. "we were in Paris. It was our 3 year anniversary. We were having such good time I thought that-"

"I know what you thought." Helena brought her hand up to Myka's cheek and wiped a tear away with her thumb. "And you weren't wrong in any way for thinking it. You couldn't possibly have known how I feel about marriage, you were just doing what you felt was the right thing to do."

_Do you need some time...on your own_

_Do you need some time...all alone_

_Everybody needs some time... on their own_

_Don't you know you need some time...all alone_

_I know it's hard to keep an open heart_

_When even friends seem out to harm you_

_But if you could heal a broken heart_

_Wouldn't time be out to charm you_

"I just keep feeling like I'm not enough." The anger in Myka's eyes was gone now and all that remained was hurt and pain. The sight of her lover breaking down in front of her caused Helena's heart to ache. "I mean you are this amazing woman. You're H.G. Wells for crying loud! And who am I? I'm just this poor, pathetic, little girl from Colorado who can't even get her girlfriend to marry her."

"You're thinking way too much into this." Helena brought her forehead to Myka's, trying to get the younger woman's attention. "I told you, it's not you. It's me, it's always been me. I am the one who has hurt you time and time again. Every time I think about you I can't even fathom why you would spend more than ten seconds looking in my direction. You should hate me by now but you don't, and I don't think I will ever figure out why."

_Sometimes I need some time...on my own_

_Sometimes I need some time...all alone_

_Everybody needs some time... on their own_

_Don't you know you need some time...all alone_

_And when your fears subside_

_And shadows still remain_

_I know that you can love me_

_When there's no one left to blame_

_So never mind the darkness_

_We still can find a way_

_'Cause nothin' lasts forever_

_Even cold November rain_

"I do hate you." Myke whispered. " I hate you for bringing out the worst in me but also the best. I hate you for leaving me all of those times but I still waited for you. I hate you for turning down my proposal but me still caring for you all the more. I hate you for doing all of those things to me and still making me love you." She didn't take her eyes away from Helena's the entire time. Helena never seen that look in Myka before, the intensity of her stare was enough to destroy an entire city. Out of all of the years they had been together Myka had never said anything like that, her heart and soul was poured out for her lover to see. And Helena had never found Myka as sexy or as beautiful as she did right now.

"I love you so much." Helena crashed her lips to the taller woman's. Myka was a bit surprised, there was something different about this kiss, it was passionate yet loving, rough yet soft. She knew that Helena loved her and she knew that they would be together for the rest of their lives, married or not.

Don't ya think that you need somebody

Don't ya think that you need someone

Everybody needs somebody

You're not the only one

You're not the only one


	3. This I love

**Thank you so much for reading guys! (: (Btw I forgot to mention that these chapters aren't really related to each other.) This takes place after Helena leaves the warehouse in season 4 and Myka has no idea where she is. Basically in this version Myka and Helena kissed in 401 and now we get to see what Myka was feeling after Helena left. **

_And now I don't know why_

_She wouldn't say goodbye_

_But then it seems that I_

_Had seen it in her eyes_

_And it might not be wise_

_I'd still have to try_

_With all the love_

_I have inside_

_I can't deny_

It wasn't fair. It didn't make any sense. Helena just left..without saying anything. Something had to be wrong. It wasn't like Helena belonged to her or anything but Myka was entitled to know at least if she was okay. But not single word from anybody? She would think, if everything was fine Helena would at least call. _Something._ But for there to be nothing was just so agonizingly painful for the younger woman.

For all she knew the regents could have taken her to this secret facility like they did before. Or they could have erased her memory again. Or maybe…maybe something terrible had happened and Helena was dead. Gone. Just like that. Myka had seen it happen to too many people before, she knew it was possible. But something inside of her told her that wasn't the case. She and Helena had been connected somehow and if she were dead, Myka would know.

But H.G.'s presence still lingered, which meant that she was alive, she was still there, but where? And as who? These unanswered questions were enough to drive the agent insane. She would stay up all night sometimes trying to imagine what could have happened to her..friend? No, friends don't kiss each other like that. Lover? Hardly. Soulmate? True love? Inamorata? They might as well just be nothing more than acquaintances now.

_I just can't let it die_

_Cause her heart's just like mine_

_And she holds her pain inside_

_So if you ask me why_

_She wouldn't say goodbye_

_I know somewhere inside_

_There is a special light_

_Still shining bright_

_And even on the darkest night_

_She can't deny_

Everyone noticed the slight changes in Myka's attitude lately. She just seemed so..dismal. There always seemed to be something on her mind. She hadn't been the same since they saved the Warehouse from Sykes. Maybe the brisk life of being a Warehouse agent was finally catching up to her? No that couldn't be it, Myka loved her job and she didn't seem tired she just seemed..lonely. Like a piece of her was missing. There _was_ something in Myka missing. It was a part of her heart. Although it does sounds sappy it was true.

When H.G. left she took a part of Myka with her. And now Myka wasn't sure what she missed more, herself or Helena? But there was nothing she could do. It was like getting a ping for an artifact but having no idea where it was or who had it, not even having any witnesses or people who were affected. What was the point if she had no leads? There was no place to start. So she was going to have to wait.

But Myka was so tired of waiting though. She could only hope that H.G. would reach out to her, she tried asking Artie if he knew anything about the other woman's whereabouts but he just said that the regents haven't told him anything. But if he had been paying attention he would have seen pain and sadness flicker in Myka's eyes when he answered. He would have realized that it was because of the former agents abrupt departure that Myka was so distant lately. But not everybody was as blind as he was.

_So if she's somewhere near me_

_I hope to God she hears me_

_There's no one else_

_Could ever make me feel_

_I'm so alive_

_I hoped she'd never leave me_

_Please God you must believe me_

_I've searched the universe_

_And found myself_

_Within' her eyes_

"Hey Mykes how you doin?" Pete asked his partner as he walked into the kitchen to find her just sitting at the table, book in hand, staring off into space..again.

"I'm fine." She replied with a small a smile.

"If there's anything bothering you, you can talk to me about it you know?" He sat next to her.

"Yeah I know." She just nodded slightly. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Well, because lately you've been a little..I don't know-" Pete tried to search for the right words. "isolated. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

"I'm fine Pete." She said again and returned to her book.

"Are sure?" His voice was soft.

"Mhm." She didn't look up. He just sighed and stood from the chair, as he walked away he looked back at his partner, he knew something was wrong but she obviously wasn't going to say anything.

Myka no matter how high she built up her walls, was a sensitive and fragile woman. But her walls were crumbling and instead of asking for help she just sat there and let it happen, she stopped trying to repair them a long time ago, the way a king does when his city is under attack and the enemies forces are breaking in and he knows his men just aren't strong enough to keep them out, so he just waits, hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

_No matter how I try_

_They say it's all a lie_

_So what's the use of my confessions to a crime_

_Of passions that won't die_

_In my heart_

_So if she's somewhere near me_

_I hope to God she hears me_

_There's no one else_

_Could ever make me feel_

_I'm so alive_

_I hoped she'd never leave me_

_Please God you must believe me_

_I've searched the universe_

_And found myself_

_Within' her eyes_

'Another day.' Myka thought to herself. 'Another day of endless wonder?'

"Not all wonder is endless." Helena's voice echoed in her head. But she just shook it off, like she always did, she was getting pretty good at it actually.

She went downstairs to find Pete, Steve and Claudia already at the dining table, eating breakfast. She poured herself a cup of coffee and joined them. It was getting easier. She felt like her old self was slowly returning over time. She didn't think of Helena as much as she use to.

Breakfast was the usual playful banter as always. Everyone was still a little grumpy over the fact that nobody was there to make them food the way Leena did. It was because of Leena's death that Myka began to move on. She realized that more important things were happening, she couldn't just mope around, feeling bad for herself. She had to move on and take care of the family she had right here, with her, the family she knew would never leave her. Suddenly Claudia's Farnsworth went off, breaking her train of thought.

"Yo." Claudia answered.

"You guys feel an earthquake?" Arties voice boomed from the small device. Claudia looked around the table at everybody.

"No." She said.

"Has anything unusual happened at the Warehouse at all lately?" Artie asked.

"No nothing." Claudia answered quickly. Myka suddenly was very interested and appeared next to her younger colleague.

"Can you tell us why you're asking?" Myka asked.

"Late Later." He waved off. "Meet me at the fish ASAP.'

"I'll just get dressed." Abigail grabbed a banana and turned to walk away.

"Oh this isn't um-like therapist business he means agents only." Claudia said hurriedly.

"Who says I do?" Artie piped in. "Bring Abigail too.'

"But she isn't dressed and you said ASAP-"

"I'll just be two minutes!" Abigail left and went to her room. Suddenly Myka's cellphone rang. She took it out of her pocket and saw that it was from an unknown number.

"Hello?" she answered. When she heard the voice on the other line her heart all but stopped. She knew that voice, it was the voice she had been waiting to hear for almost a year. That voice that had been haunting her almost every day. That beautiful, tantalizing, angelic voice that filled her dreams. That voice that belonged to _her_. "Helena?"

_So now I don't know why_

_She wouldn't say goodbye_

_It just might be that I_

_Had seen it in her eyes_

_And now it seems that I_

_Gave up my ghost of pride_

_I'll never say goodbye_


End file.
